Enlarge
There Can Be Only One
Below are the essential rules that every participant must follow. Adhering to these guidelines ensures a fair and competitive environment for all teams.
Understand the guidelines and rules that govern the activity or competition you're participating in. This step ensures that you are fully aware of what's expected of you and can avoid any penalties or misunderstandings.
It's essential to review the rules more than once to ensure you fully comprehend them. Re-reading helps catch any details you might have missed the first time and reinforces your understanding.
Prepare and organize your team or resources before the competition or activity begins. This involves making strategic decisions to maximize your chances of success based on the rules you've read. Failure to set your lineup could lead to expulsion from the league, so it’s crucial to stay on top of this responsibility.
No shady moves or attempts to bend the rules—like picking up and dropping players just to block another team. Any such tactics will be overruled, and you could face fines or even expulsion from the league. Play the game the right way, or don't play at all.
Avoid complaining or making excuses, especially when things don’t go your way. This principle emphasizes the importance of maintaining a positive attitude and taking responsibility for your actions.
Accept the reality that winning is not possible, and focus on enjoying the process. This principle encourages participants to be realistic, keep their expectations in check, and find satisfaction in participation rather than just victory.
Ranked by points. Colors reflect projections.
Scores: green above pregame projection ·
red below. Badges show the change from the original projection.
Row colors show survival outlook.
Safe: finished above another finished team, or at least 5 actual points above the lowest finished team.
Remaining players and Yahoo stat corrections can change results.
The league, louder
Big talk. Short clips. All Guillotine.
League promos are on the way. Check back for the latest clips.
Your Central Hub for All League Metrics and Updates
Guillotine league / Season 4
The pecking order. No feelings spared.
Enlarge
The weekly league hierarchy.
Scroll across for all stats
| 11 | Team Rocket | 0.00 | 122.77 | 951.08 | $26 | 4 | 26 | 135.87 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10 | AM lumber | 0.00 | 124.66 | 936.61 | $12 | 9 | 13 | 133.8 |
| 9 | Prodigal Son | 0.00 | 125.84 | 875.78 | $0 | 3 | 41 | 125.11 |
| 8 | Ben Affleck Jr | 0.00 | 131.31 | 920.85 | $24 | 7 | 18 | 131.55 |
| 7 | Toker | 34.32 | 141.47 | 938.82 | $14 | 2 | 18 | 129.21 |
| 6 | 88 Acres | 17.30 | 143.53 | 963.31 | $18 | 8 | 24 | 135.14 |
| 5 | JC Penny Dumpers | 2.00 | 152.32 | 981.53 | $0 | 10 | 18 | 139.93 |
| 4 | Brett's Bold Team | 0.00 | 155.33 | 943.66 | $25 | 6 | 27 | 134.81 |
| 3 | PEPSI CRUSHER | 13.00 | 158.03 | 1045.94 | $47 | 1 | 16 | 147.56 |
| 2 | Roselle Park Redskins | 38.20 | 164.41 | 914.18 | $12 | 5 | 18 | 125.14 |
| 1 | Crab People | 58.85 | 170.35 | 1057.88 | $15 | 11 | 23 | 142.72 |
The league hierarchy, updated every Tuesday.
Every player. Every remaining game. Surviving teams ranked by their current roster’s projected points for the rest of the season.
Select Season Outlook to load roster projections.
| Rank | Team | Rest-of-season projected points |
|---|
Select Waivers to load this week’s results.
The latest cuts, calls, and committee business.
Pinned from the committee
Set your lineup, know the rules, and keep an eye on the cut line. Every week, the lowest-scoring team is eliminated.

FANOKES
Eliminated · Week 3Da Shreddah had an “insider tip” on Oronde Gadsden.
Gadsden was the play. Fanokes was the mark.
The insider's edge
0.00
Fantasy points
Exclusive access to absolutely nothing.

SEP 27, 2026 · AT BUFFALO · FINAL
Fanokes thought Da Shreddah was letting him in on a secret. Privileged intel. A little advantage over the competition. How thoughtful of the competition to provide it.
Three targets. Zero catches. Zero yards. Zero touchdowns. One eliminated Fanokes. Suddenly, the insider was outside the league. Da Shreddah's scouting department will surely be devastated.
| Game | Catches | Yards | TD |
|---|---|---|---|
| W1 vs ARI | 2 | 32 | 0 |
| W2 vs LV | 2 | 18 | 1 |
| W3 at BUF | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Stats: Chargers game log · Targets
Photo: Los Angeles Chargers / AP.
Team RocketWaiver-wire genius
Team Rocket adds George Holani.
Quite possibly the pickup of the year. Some debate remains.
The Week 2 masterpiece
3.50
Fantasy points
2026 · WEEK 2 AT ARIZONA · FINAL
While the rest of the league wastes time looking for players who score points, Team Rocket is playing chess. George Holani's four carries for 13 yards and one catch for two more were apparently all the evidence they needed.
Fifteen total yards. Zero touchdowns. A breathtaking 3.50 points. Finally, a pickup that makes every other manager feel better about their roster.
| Game | Projected | Actual | Difference |
|---|---|---|---|
| W1 vs NE | 6.81 | 4.90 | −1.91 |
| W2 at ARI | 8.81 | 3.50 | −5.31 |
Fantasy points and projections from Yahoo's 2026 game log. The scouting department remains extremely proud.
The pecking order is in.
Week 6 tiers have landed. Let the arguments begin.
Relive every season, every elimination, and every champion.
Managed by Mark
The official 1–18 finishing order.
Season 1 · 2023 official archive
One season earns a trophy. Sustained survival earns the crown.
48 weeks survived
This leaderboard measures total weeks survived throughout league history, revealing who has consistently outlasted the competition.
| Rank | Manager | Team names across seasons | 2023 | 2024 | 2025 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Paul | Crab People | 15 | 16 | 17 | 48 |
| 2 | Frank | The Christians → Derek Morris → Officially retired | 17 | 14 | 10 | 41 |
| 3 | Rico | Ben Affleck Jr | 10 | 13 | 15 | 38 |
| 4 | Brett | Brett’s Bold Team | 14 | 6 | 16 | 36 |
| 4 | Lane | Dpain | 12 | 15 | 9 | 36 |
| 4 | Vin | Da Shreddah | 4 | 18 | 14 | 36 |
| 7 | Kevin | PEPSI CRUSHER | N/A | 17 | 18 | 35 |
| 8 | Toker | Toker | 16 | 5 | 11 | 32 |
| 9 | Andrew | Andrew’s Awesome Team → Incoming Champ → 88 Acres | 13 | 10 | 4 | 27 |
| 10 | James | Team Rocket | 11 | 2 | 12 | 25 |
| 11 | Keith | Let’s Go Colts → ARich’s BBC → Danny Dimes Dingleberries | 8 | 8 | 8 | 24 |
| 11 | Mark | Fanokes | 18 | 4 | 2 | 24 |
| 13 | Richie | Roselle Park Redskins | 6 | 3 | 13 | 22 |
| 14 | Pete | I’m trans → 1/2 Man 1/2 Dong | 5 | 12 | 3 | 20 |
| 15 | Pat | Patrick’s Primo Team → AM Lumber | 3 | 11 | 5 | 19 |
| 16 | Jon G | Potato | 2 | 9 | 7 | 18 |
| 17 | Greg | Garry’s Primo Team → Scarlet Vengeance | 9 | 1 | 6 | 16 |
| 18 | Jim | Jim’s Agreeable Team | 7 | 7 | 1 | 15 |
| 19 | Brad | Brad’s Brilliant Team | 1 | N/A | N/A | 1 |
Guillotine League pricing for the season
Eighteen heads on the block, only one will escape.
A brilliant strategist and a natural leader, the Crab People’s commander is a champion of the people and a conqueror like Alexander the Great. Under his leadership, the Crab People are the epitome of greatness, revered by all.
Da Shreddha earned the crown of the league’s biggest flop last year, managing to get booted before the bye weeks even hit. Lost in a fog of confusion, they bumbled through every decision, convinced that drafting nothing but running backs was the secret to success. Now, desperate for redemption and aching to prove they’re not a total joke, they’re still hopelessly out of their depth. Some strategies—like this team—are beyond saving.
Last year's champion, but whispers of extra help surround his victory, like a special ed student getting a little too much assistance. Rumor has it the Crab People took a dive just to let him win, and he couldn’t have done it without the Guillotine podcast spoon-feeding him every move. Now, with his trophy in one hand and drool cup in the other, Fanokes is primed to stumble right back into the failure he narrowly escaped.
The Christians are helmed by a tormented Jets fan, whose unshakable loyalty to the most cursed franchise in football has cursed him with a knack for terrible fantasy decisions. Clinging to hope where there is none, his undying allegiance is steering The Christians straight toward their inevitable demise.
AM Lumber, also known as "Purple Pat" or "Pillow Hands Pat," is famous for poor decisions and even worse hygiene. This team is just a splinter of what it should be, barely holding itself together.
Ben Afflect Jr. is like a ship without a rudder, drifting aimlessly through the competition and stumbling at every turn. Still living in his parents' basement, he navigates the season with all the direction of a blindfolded driver. As he struggles to keep up, the real question is, what will he lose first—his head, his hair, or any remaining shred of dignity?
Colts. have lost all excitement for the sport, leaving them lifeless and uninspired, barely able to muster the energy to compete. Yet, there’s something unsettling about their eerie discretion, a quiet presence that lingers long after the game is over. Colts. may be a shell of a team on the field, but they’ll haunt your dreams long after the final whistle.
I'm Trans is led by the league's only PhD, but all that education hasn’t helped on the field. Still the only one social distancing and eagerly awaiting the next booster shot, this team is more focused on staying six feet away than getting six points. As out of touch with the game as their name suggests, they're more concerned with immunity than victory.
Jon G stormed into the league with big hopes, bigger promises, and the confidence of a guy who'd already written his championship speech. Then the games started. The Crab Murderers have delivered nothing but excuses and a weekly reminder that trash talk doesn't score points. For a team built to take down Crab People, the only thing they've managed to murder is their own preseason hype.
Brett's Bold Team is the league's pint-sized supervillain, a 5'4" Lex Luthor with the aroma of pepperoni pizza that's been sitting out too long. For all the bluster, his team's boldness is nothing more than a smokescreen for their inevitable downfall—boldly terrible in every way.
Garry's Primo Team is led by a ginger daywalker, a rare breed cursed with the worst of both worlds—no soul to guide him and a sunburn waiting at every turn. This fiery-haired misfit stumbles through the season with the grace of a broken compass. Despite the name, there's nothing "primo" about this team—just a disaster waiting to happen.
Andrew's Awesome Team is anything but awesome. As the youngest and dumbest manager in the league, he's more focused on following orders from his girlfriend than on making winning plays. This team is as hopeless as its leader, destined to fumble through the season.
Toker is more interested in getting high than winning, spending most of his time sprawled out on the couch in a haze of laziness and lethargy. With a team that's perpetually low and lacking any real drive, they're just as couch-bound as their leader.
Jim's Agreeable Team threw in the towel last year, s`howing just how spineless they truly are. Instead of putting up a fight, they let everyone walk all over them. Their only notable skills? Spouting Mets trivia and flossing with a jump rope—completely useless talents in this league. If winning required anything more than party tricks, they'd be in serious trouble.
Team Rocket is the league's most annoying team, a constant source of irritation as they loudly blast off to failure at the speed of light. Their every move seems designed to frustrate, yet their trajectory is always the same—straight to the bottom. Despite their flashy antics, they're more of a nuisance than a threat, destined to crash and burn spectacularly.
Roselle Park Redskins are captained by the league’s elder statesman, a lawyer who’s been sporting gray hair since he was 11 and is as baffled by free agency as he is by technology. Picture an uglier George W. Bush fumbling through a playbook. His so-called strategies unravel faster than a bargain-bin suit, leaving the team in shambles before the game even begins.
Dpain was once the league's legendary ladies' man, but those glory days are long gone. Now he's a shell of his former self, losing hair faster than his grip on reality, with arms that barely work. The charm has faded, and all that's left is pain—leading his team straight to oblivion.
PEPSI CRUSHER is the league's rookie, the kind of guy who's everyone's favorite uncle—great for a laugh but completely harmless on the field. As a first-timer, he’s more likely to share stories than strategies, posing no real threat to the competition. In the end, PEPSI CRUSHER is doomed from the start, but at least he’ll keep everyone entertained along the way.
Get in touch with the committee for any inquiries
A108 Adam Street, New York, NY 535022
+1 619 762 0769
guillotinex.com